My father was a United Methodist minister in addition to being a school counselor and administrator. Throughout my life, really almost right up until his death, I heard many, many of his sermons. One I remember to this day was titled something like “What are you doing with your dash?” The take home message was that when you visit a cemetery and look at most headstones, the information there usually includes the date of birth and the date of death for the person. What is missing on most of those stones is how the person spent their “dash” between birth and death – essentially how did they spend their life? So my question to you, this March, is how are you spending your dash, and better yet, how do you want to spend your dash in the future?
I’m currently working my way through the autobiography of Sir Richard Branson, the founder of Virgin Group. Let me tell, you, that man has filled up his dash. When I talked to my daughter about Branson’s amazing exploits, her question to me was “Do you think it’s true????” There are adventures crossing oceans by, what I would consider a small boat….adventures in hot air balloons, and some pretty crazy name dropping. Branson is what Helen Fisher, the cultural anthropologist, would call an “Explorer” type. He has lived large. However, I’ve also been struck by how often he mentions his parents, his children, and his spouse. I think someone from his family was present every time he took off on one of his dangerous balloon trips and in the book he mentions that he asked one fellow adventurer if he had children as a litmus test as to whether or not the man was a safe travel companion. So even for a person who has probably used up 8 of his 9 lives, Branson still seems to really be closely connected to family.
How much do your family and your relationships factor into how you are spending your dash? One thing that I’ve been struck by in my career as a psychologist and therapist is that most people would like a relationship with their parents. Even if it is a difficult or challenging relationship, most people still would like to feel loved and connected to their family. I’ve heard amazing stories of reconciliation and I’ve also heard words of relief on the passing of a difficult family member. No matter who you are or what you’ve been through, positive and loving connections with another person are crucial to physical and mental health. It might not be able to be with your parents or siblings but maybe there is an aunt or uncle or grandparent or cousin who was/is kind to you. Or maybe you can be that kind person for someone else.
A line from one of my favorite Kasey Musgraves songs is “Family is family, in church or in prison, You get what you get, and you don’t get to pick ‘em. They might smoke like chimneys, but give you their kidneys, yeah friends come in handy, but family is family.” I encourage you to find the rest of the lyrics – the song is a winner.
So as we head into spring and you are thinking about how you are going to spend your dash as the days warm, I encourage you to make sure you have some good family and friend time in there. You will never regret the memories made and relationships forged.