I’ve recently been reading articles about “The Great Wealth Transfer” and maybe you have too. Baby Boomers in the United States are apparently holding over 50% of the wealth and Millennials are supposed to be the big beneficiaries at some point. However, I have also read articles stating the Boomers are living it up and spending “great wealth” on themselves in addition to contributing to the housing crisis by not moving out their big family homes as they age. I’m extremely interested in the interplay between families and finance and spend a lot of time in my office talking to my clients who are navigating these dynamics.
I recently had a front row seat to some Boomer couples who seemed to be having a great time spending their wealth together and I was actually pretty inspired by it. My husband would not be surprised to hear me say this as he says people in my family enjoy spending their last dollar as much as they enjoy spending their first dollar. I digress but I probably would agree that we are a pretty happy bunch.
So, I had the great pleasure of going on a lovely cruise which was significantly populated by people older than myself. There were many couples on board and, as a psychologist and couples therapist, I, of course, was observing people even on my vacation. I was really struck by how most of the couples I observed really enjoyed being with each other and were actively helping each other. There were many people with canes and other mobility assistance devices and their partners were extremely compassionate and helpful as they navigated the food and activity areas. In addition, couples were playing cards, watching shows, going on excursions, reading books, taking cooking classes, and enjoying happy hour together! Let me tell you, it was pretty cool to see couples, especially those beyond 70 and 80 still having fun, learning and growing together as friends.
Within the Gottman approach, the friendship between a couple is primary. It is the base upon which the relationship is built. Paying attention to your friendship is crucial at all stages of a relationship. It is super important to take the time to build it at the beginning and then vital to maintain and develop it as time goes by.
I thought these couples were rock stars at investing in their relationships. I think we need to make sure that we look to these long term happy and successful couples as role models. So good for them that they are enjoying their money and each other.
I would also add that I was inspired by other families traveling together as well. Adult children and grandchildren with an older parent or grandparent were also in the mix. I spoke with one adult woman who had been on several cruises with her older mother and she stated that it had been a game changer for their relationship. They lived a long way from each other but were closer than ever because they had taken the time to travel together. She stated that her mother had worked very hard in her career, into her 70’s, and had accumulated wealth. Her wise daughter convinced her to start to spend some on herself and they started to take trips together which greatly deepened their connection.
So in 2025, look for relationship role models. You don’t have to go on a cruise, but I do recommend it! You can just look around your community for couples and families who are having fun and sharing in activities together. Lean into the people in your life who support you and bring you joy.
Happy New Year!