How high is your “to read” pile? Mine is probably at least 3 feet high. It is located in a chifforobe that came from my grandmother (it housed my mother’s dresses when she was a little girl).
Like many of you, I bet, I love to read.
When I was a 7th grader, I read an average of one book a day. When it was time to do dishes, my mother said that I always ran off to read because I knew that I would never be required to help with the dinner clean-up if I was reading! As an undergraduate, my Friday afternoon treat was to go to a bookstore and buy a “fun” book. During my doctoral studies, one of the most frustrating things for me was how little time I had to read a broad range of books.
Even though I’m a Psychologist, I’m an English major at heart.
Prior to the pandemic, one of my favorite things to do with my husband when we traveled was to go to used bookstores and bookstores in college towns. It was during one of these outings that I came upon Dr. Lisa Damour’s fantastic book Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions Into Adulthood. I finally had time to read it during the last month and wow, have I used the information I learned!
“A great read for: Parents, Grandparents raising grandkids, Foster Parents, Educators, and Wellness Professionals. ”
“Although the book is written about girls, there is much that can be useful in understanding the overall adolescent experience. ”
Here’s a quick summary of what Dr. Damour calls “the seven developmental strands of adolescence”:
1) Parting with Childhood
2) Joining a New Tribe
3) Harnessing Emotions
4) Contending with Adult Authority
5) Planning for the Future
6) Entering the Romantic World
7) Caring for Herself
Within each chapter are also examples, which I think is terrific, of how to phrase things to help support girls and have healthy boundaries.
One of the best take homes I had from this book was the analogy Dr. Damour gave of a swimming pool. For teenage girls, the water in the pool represents the world they are learning to swim in, the young adult world. Parents and other caring adults represent the actual container of the pool. So, if things ever feel a little too rocky or deep, a girl can always swim over to the side of the pool to connect with you until she feels ready to head back out to test the waters. Another great facet of this book is the “When to Worry” section at the end of each chapter.
So, whether you are interested in understanding and supporting a girl or teen, or are reflecting back on your own experience, I hope you’ll take a look at Dr. Damour’s book and maybe add it to your reading pile. I also recommend Dr. Damour’s website which includes short videos of her discussing each of the seven developmental strands. She also has a regular column in the New York Times and on CBS.
Finally, just a reminder that there are still a few days left to enter our Valentine Giveaway drawing for a $300 gift certificate to Cedar Crest Lodge. Believe me, you won’t want to miss this opportunity for some fantastic self-care or reconnection time.
Happy Valentine’s Day!