We are having every window replaced in our 26-year-old house. Some are totally rotten and have to be propped up with sticks. It is time for this major renovation. The windows, of course, did not fail all at once but gradually over time. However, right before the pandemic it was clear that we were headed in this direction and with so much time at home over the last two years, the situation became urgent.
The same thing happens to the Gottman’s Sound Relationship House for many couples that I meet. What started out as a good relationship with a solid friendship has become less satisfying and frankly, in some cases, harmful. It is time for them to bolster their foundation and work on each level of the house.
There are three components that we emphasize with Gottman Method Couples Therapy. We work on strengthening the couple’s friendship. We also help a couple develop better conflict management skills. Finally, we also work on creating shared meaning through rituals of connection based on their goals and values.
When I first meet with a couple, we begin with an assessment of their relationship. I meet with them together and then individually. In addition, they take an online questionnaire called the Gottman Connect. I take all of this data and formulate a treatment plan. At a “feedback session”, we discuss the status of their relationship in the context of the Sound Relationship House and then in most cases the therapy is soon underway. Generally, most couples do all of these sessions spread out over a couple of weeks. However, I have some couples opt for what I call an “Intensive” which is where we do all four sessions in one day. There is now research that supports this type of “massing” of sessions as optimal.
Therefore, beginning in June 2022, I’ll be recommending that all new couples sign up for an “Intensive Assessment.” This will allow us to hit the ground running. Couples will complete the Gottman Connect one week prior to our first appointment, so I can prepare to make the most of our Intensive session.
I am very excited about this change to the way I practice couples therapy. I believe that it will benefit couples immensely. They will be able to leave our first session with a game plan to improve their marriage rather than having an extended process.
Just like my entire window renovation, my hope is that by encouraging couples to sign up for an Intensive, they will notice quicker positive results.
Happy Spring!