As I write this blog, I’m in a sunny locale where my spouse has an annual work event. Yesterday, as I ate my lunch near a pool, I enjoyed watching a couple in their 70’s chatting and floating.
Their attention was on each other and they were clearly enjoying themselves.
They were having fun.
Most weeks, I spend half a day providing play therapy to children between the ages of 3 and 5. They choose the toys and the activities and go to town for 30 minutes each. Sometimes they involve me in their play and sometimes they don’t. However, fun is always had.
A few days a week, I try to begin my day at my local Y in aquacise class. It is always BIG fun. You put a bunch of (mostly) ladies in a pool with an enthusiastic teacher, some music and movement and that is the recipe for a really good time. There is laughing, there is singing, there is socialization. Good energy abounds.
As a Certified Gottman Couples Therapist, one of the areas I assess early on in therapy is how much fun a couple is having. So often I have to write the words “No fun” on my list of current relationship challenges. However, for every single couple I see, this has not always been the case. Courtship is generally full of fun. Getting to know someone new and having them interested in getting to know you is fun and exciting. Shared interests, friendship, and good sex are fun. Most love relationships start with these basic components but then some couples get off course and the fun dies along the way.
Fun cuts across all levels of the Sound Relationship House. If you have a good Love Map of your partner, you know what they consider fun and support them in having a lot of it. If your partner makes a bid for fun, try to turn toward it. Tell each other when you are having fun with each other and do more of it. When our friendship is working well with our partners, we have access to our sense of humor which is crucial to helping us manage the inevitable conflict which occurs in a relationship. Friendship and a sense of humor help us have patience and understanding when a partner may have an irritable moment.
Finally, the type of fun we have in our families is frequently a reflection of our “shared meaning.” There are endless ways to have fun and each relationship and family have their own unique style. Dr. Gottman’s motto of “Small Things Often” totally applies to fun. Adding small amounts of fun into your day and relationships makes big deposits into our relationship bank accounts and promotes connection and trust.
So, as we head into late spring and summer, amp up the fun.
You and your relationship will be all the better for it.
As for me tagging along on my husband’s business trip, I’m having a lot of fun.