Take it easy. Take your time. Take care. Take a break. I recently did all of these things and you know what? I had to TAKE them. No one gave them to me. I had to TAKE them. At this time of year, it is easy to let your schedule run you, rather than you run your schedule.
Living in alignment with your values helps you make these decisions with integrity. Do you value family? Friends? Faith? Finances? How about your health? Or fun? What about traditions or time? How about giving back?
I love it when my past or present-self sets my future-self up for success. Like when I schedule an extra day off at the end of a vacation, so I have a day to do laundry and rest. As a psychologist, I know that when I head back to work, I need to be able to be 100% present to my clients. So that choice of an extra day off is in alignment with my value of being professional.
Or when I fill up my car with gas before it’s empty and buy that extra gallon of milk today so that my future self doesn’t have to rush around when it’s not convenient. That is in alignment with my value of reducing stress.
At the very top of the Gottman Sound Relationship House is Creating Shared Meaning. This tier is about values, goals, and symbols. Has a couple even discussed their values and goals? Do they know what symbols like money and home mean to them? What do they put out into the world that demonstrates their values and what is special about that? When people think of the Smith family, what comes to mind?
Also, a key part of Creating Shared Meaning is about Rituals of Connection. These are regular, usually small things, that put frequent deposits into a couple’s emotional bank account. A lot of times, these are very tied to a couple’s values. For example, a couple who values fitness and health, might take regular walks together. Or a couple that values fun, might buy season tickets to a sports team or the theater. If you are part of a relationship that has few rituals of connection, I urge you to spend some time adding them to your schedule. They are a great way to bolster your friendship and live in alignment with what’s important to you.
As you pass through this holiday season, I hope that you will find a moment to reflect on what’s important to you and look for opportunities to engage with those people and activities. You won’t regret it and your enjoyment of the season is sure to deepen. In the spirit of this blog, TAKE the time!
Best wishes for a wonderful start to your new year!