One of my summer reads is the massive and fascinating book, Ninth Street Women, by Mary Gabriel. It is a portrait of five women painters (Lee Krasner, Elaine de Kooning, Grace Hartigan, Joan Mitchell, and Helen Frankenthaler) who were at the forefront of the Modern Art movement. It is part history of the 20th century, part biography of each artist’s contributions, and part window into each woman’s personal relationships. The relationship of Lee Krasner and Jackson Pollock particularly resonated with me.
I always ask couples if there is something that “takes energy away from their relationship”; Possibilities such as an affair (either physical or emotional), too much time at work, too much time on screens, etc. Often, the third member of a relationship is alcohol or marijuana use. So, as I read the struggle Krasner and Pollock experienced with his drinking, it echoed challenges I’ve witnessed with some of my own clients.
The role of a couples’ therapist can be crucial when addressing your relationship with substance use. John and Julie Gottman have spoken on the importance of maintaining couples therapy while also addressing an individual’s substance use. Frequently, in addition to seeing a couple for counseling, I am also encouraging individual therapy and additional treatment support. There is a wide continuum of services available.
The support one person needs is unique to them and their situation. Some clients will need a medical-detox and a stint at an in-patient facility or hospital. Others may do best with an extended stay at a treatment facility which allows the person to focus on themselves and their recovery. Veterans or Active Duty service members may manage a substance use issue by utilizing treatment programs offered through their local VA or through their branch of the military. Most of these settings integrate some family or couples therapy and visits. I also hear from clients that they find AA helpful. In Pollock’s case, his physician was key to his period of sobriety.
It is always wise to bring your medical provider into any conversation about substance use and appropriate treatment options.
One of my go-to recommendations in the Kansas City area is First Call; They offer a wide range of resources for “anyone impacted by substance use disorder.” One of my favorite offerings is their How to Cope class. My clients frequently reference what they learned from the How to Cope class, or how they greatly benefit from maintaining the connections that they made within the program. First Call also offers a Caring for Kids class for youth aged 6-18 who are impacted by an adult’s substance use.
Your partner and your family can be a tremendous support as you examine the role of substances in your life. They can also complicate the situation. Therefore, if or when you feel ready to take a look at making some changes, I encourage you to include either a medical or mental health professional as a consultant.
Take good care as we welcome August.